Wedding planning comes with all sorts of compromises and conflicts for every engaged couple. With most of them, you and your partner can talk out your differences and find some common ground. But what happens when your partner digs his or her heels in the ground and refuses to budge on an important issue?
Many of today’s engaged couples run into this problem when it comes to planning the wedding registry. To some, having a wedding registry feels outdated. After all, do you really need ANOTHER set of sheets or a brand-new toaster? Maybe not. It might also feel like just another wedding task that your partner doesn’t have time to do. Maybe he or she is busy with work or simply feeling a little overwhelmed with all of the wedding planning. If there was something to skip, it might as well be the wedding registry.
Your partner might object to a wedding registry on the grounds that it could create unneeded waste and that it’s forcing people to buy you things you don’t want. After all, all that packaging will certainly end up in a landfill, and your partner might feel uncomfortable asking guests to give presents that the two of you know that you don’t really want or need.
But for all of these reasons, having a wedding registry is an important part of any ceremony, and having one can save you and your guests a lot of grief. So how do you convince your partner that you two need a wedding registry? Here’s how to get your partner on your side and build a wedding registry that meets both of your needs.
Reason #1: Guests will give you gifts no matter what.
No matter how you and your partner feel about wedding gifts, almost all of your guests will plan to give you one, whether you like it or not.
Wedding gifts can feel particularly special because they represent a major milestone in your life for those who have watched you grow up or played with you in the sandbox. A wedding is the perfect time for loved ones to show you what you mean to them. For a long time, people gave home goods as gifts not only to help the new couple establish a home but also in the hope that you will remember them when you use the gift they bought you.
Clearly, giving wedding presents has deep roots. So whether you like it or, agree with it or not, guests will want to give you a gift.
Reason #2: You will never stop fielding questions about your registry until the big day is over.
If you choose not to have a wedding registry, be prepared to explain why over a hundred times before your wedding day arrives. You’ll be getting phone calls, text messages, emails and social media messages asking where you’re registered. By the time your big day arrives, you’ll be so tired of explaining your decision to everyone.
What’s more, your parents might also feel exhausted from fielding these questions. If guests don’t ask you directly about your wedding registry, then they’ll almost certainly turn to your parents and start pestering them. And you can bet that if your guests don’t like the answer, then your parents will have to explain your decision on your behalf.
Reason #3: Your guests will probably feel annoyed that you didn’t make one.
All of that explaining will probably annoy you and your partner, but that’s nothing compared to what your guests will be feeling. Without trying to, you’ve now made their lives ever so slightly more difficult. Instead of just picking a gift from your registry that they know you want, now they have to guess what you might want and hope that you don’t already have it.
This is bound to create some tension and annoyed feelings with guests, and that’s the last thing you want your guests to feel. No matter what, all guests should feel respected and welcome at your wedding, and you want to make it as easy and painless as possible to attend. Isn’t that why you two chose a venue that’s somewhat accommodating for most guests? And why you made sure there were vegetarian options on your menu?
You don’t want to create any hard feelings for your guests, so make gift giving a breeze for them by creating a wedding registry, even if it’s a small one.
Reason #4: It’s better to ask for what you want than end up with a lot of stuff you don’t want.
Some couples think that by not having a wedding registry, guests will just give you cash as a gift. But this is a major gamble that you two won’t want to take.
Guests don’t like to be forced into buying one type of gift. They like the freedom to choose something meaningful and within their budget. Without a wedding registry, they’ll go off script and choose what they think you need, not what you actually want. Maybe you’ll get lucky and some of those gifts will come in handy, but many will probably end up being duplicates of things you already have, things that don’t match your tastes or things you never wanted at all. Now it’s up to you to return everything, assuming the guest provided a gift receipt (trust us, you don’t want to have to ask for one after the wedding).
You’d be surprised how many unwanted wedding gifts you might end up with, and that will be a lot of extra work for you to return everything to the appropriate store. When all is said and done, you’ll probably have a lot of gift cards to stores that you don’t like, and you won’t have the freedom to use them in the way you would cold, hard cash.
And finally, some guests might opt to not get you a present at all without a wedding registry. Maybe they don’t want to go through the hassle of guessing what you want or they don’t like that you made them do extra work. Now not only will you not receive a gift at all, but you’ve also offended a guest.
Reason #5: If what you really is cash, there is a polite way to ask for it.
If what your partner really wants is cash as a wedding present, then it’s good to know that there are polite ways to ask for money as a wedding present. But not having a wedding registry at all is not one of them.
First off, know that it’s completely normal to want cash as a wedding present above all else. Maybe you and your partner need help paying for your honeymoon or putting money towards a downpayment on your first home. You two are more established in your careers, so you don’t need basic home goods because you’ve bought them already. You’d like the freedom of cash to put the money towards a larger project.
So what do you do when what you need as a wedding present is money? Build a honeymoon registry, that’s what.
A honeymoon registry, like one through Hitchd, functions just like a traditional wedding registry, but instead of asking for home goods, you ask for honeymoon-related gifts, such as a romantic dinner, a spa package or help with airfare and accommodations. When guests buy a gift, they send you the money so you can book everything. With Hitchd, you can also add physical gifts, like luggage, or create cash funds, which are like online money pools.
Having a honeymoon registry can satisfy both of your perspectives. Your partner doesn’t have to ask for things he or she doesn’t want, and you two can compromise and still provide guests with a registry. What’s more with Hitchd, you’ll have more control over what gifts you ask for and the design of your registry.
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